Rant

No. 

I don't want to baby and coddle you and protect your emotions. I want you to do what you have to do to keep your grades up. Don't "make a stand" for the thing writers have dealt with since forever. It may seem painful but it's a refining process it's not aupposed to be easy. It leaves you with a polished gem. If you want a rough unwieldy piece of work then fine, whatever but what happened to trying to do this justice for me? Oh wait I don't like her opinions on it, fuck it.

I have my own shit to deal with and I've been putting it aside for you for a week. I have needs. I have things I can't fucking do on my own because I'm in too much pain to move but somehow it still gets fucking done. By me. 

Yes. One of my needs is sex. Oh no, lets minimize that because how dare she have sexual needs! But wait, you don't get to dismiss my sexual needs until you have to go without when you want it. Do you go without sex when you want it? No. You get it every. single. time. you ask for it. So yeah, I need some fucking genital stimulation because it makes me stop hurting so bad that I cry every time I do something more strenuous than sitting. And maybe it only helps for an hour, but I have to live with this pain for a fucking week, an hour off without having to pack all my stuff for the guilt bus would be really ducking nice. 

I need help preparing for the event tomorrow:

I need tickets printed. 

I need a PatchworkLeather sign printed. 

I need tables packed into the car. 

Chairs. 

Tents. Which have to be opened and checked first. 

I need big heavy things packed in the car. 

Change for the event. 

And more because unfortunately my head is on upside down and I can't think anything through. 

I need a muscle relaxer, or maybe a hysterectomy. Because I think getting fixed might be less painful and have a faster healing process at this point. Or maybe a Vicodin. Or alcohol. Or a hot bath. Or a back rub. Or neck nuzzles and cuddling. Or maybe all of that. With chocolate and a big juicy tender steak. And a protein shake. 

Oh, and on top of all that, not including that the bleeding hasn't started yet and I'm terrified how I'm going to survive tomorrow, my right breast, which has been sore and aching for at least a month and painful to touch and swollen, now also has milk. Which means I have a hormonal imbalance in regards to female stuff. Since I know I'm not pregnant because it's been hurting like this since before my last period, it explains why I'm depressed, why I'm hurting every period, and also the female pain in generally every female place I have, generally any time it's touched. Which I haven't told you because I've known two days and I dunno, there hasn't exactly been a good time, or even a single moment alone together where I could talk about something like that. 

I'm going to go clean out and start getting ready to load the car now, and I'm am so past get over yourself.