Bedtime discussion

My point, respectfully. This is not meant to be accusatory.  (possible accusatory points. The statement that I need X hours of sleep, that you don't respect my needs in this regard, and that I need to get last minute ideas out of my head at night or I can't sleep.)



If waking up at 6:30 (ish), a reasonable time to go to be asleep is 10:30 PM (8 hours), and given 30 minutes time to get ready for bed, settle in, and actually fall asleep, 10 PM is a good time to be heading up the stairs for the night.

I don't start pushing for bedtime until 10 PM, and I am lax about this, usually bringing tea to help you sleep around or after 10 PM.
I know that you will not go to bed when I ask. I have no doubts about this. There is no situation where you are healthy that you go to bed the first time I mention it. You treat me as if saying "bedtime" forces you to stay up longer, but that is not true, because without prodding, you would not willingly go to bed.

I enjoy the few minutes in bed with you before we go to sleep. I enjoy the talk. It calms me and gets me ready to sleep. Being next to my husband, in bed, comforts me. Yes, once we are in bed, I stall and talk a few minutes, because it is what I need to settle down for the night. (I have told you this, and we have discussed and argued about it numerous times.) You need an hour plus of mind-numbing television, I need a few minutes with you where I settle down the loose ends of my mind for the night before bed. In short, no, I cannot do that before I go to bed "in the two hours I was waiting on you" because you are effectively ignoring me and excluding the conversation I need.



Now, I hate having this argument, it sucks that we keep going through this.

I don't like nagging.
I go to bed when you do (I wake up when you do!)
If I go to bed first, you don't trust yourself to come to bed at a reasonable time.
I am stuck waiting until you decide to go to bed.  (My needs are ignored in this respect. I go to bed 2 hours later than I would like to -every- school night.)
If you don't go to bed at a reasonable time, I don't get enough sleep.
If I don't get enough sleep, I may not be able to wake up on time, to wake you up.
I try very hard to stay awake with you, to not go back to bed. I feel extreme guilt over taking a nap during the day while you are gone. I don't accomplish as much when I nap, but I cannot function on 6 hours of sleep.
When I nap, I end up sleeping 12 hours total rather than 8 or 9.
I need to be effective and productive during the day. Sleeping 12 hours is not effective.
I need to write/talk/clear my head at night to sleep just as much as you need non-schoolwork before bed.


So.
The only solutions I can see for this:

-You come to bed on time, with me.
-I go to bed when I am tired, and you are responsible for coming to bed on your own time.
-The nagging and arguments continue, I keep telling you to go to bed 100 times, you keep getting mad at me for talking once we are in bed (or other pre-bed things that I need).
-We set a specific schedule for reminders and bedtime and pre-bedtime rituals and we stick to them.