I was doing everything I could to be a good slave, to be what my husband wanted, or what I thought he wanted. I realized when he sent me that quote, that the things I was holding back because I was unsure if he would like that part of me, well that was the stuff he liked about me in the first place! I was trying to be the perfect slave. The things he sees in me, the impulsive, uh... Well the good word for impulsive, carefree whims that I was trying to keep myself from doing, because I wanted a schedule, and I had to do things in a certain order, etc... Nope. He loves me because I am different, I am new, I am able to think of fun things and make fun things and I am creative. These are the traits my husband loves and cherishes about me, not my ability to load the dishwasher seven days in a row. Fuck, what is the word I am looking for?
But I am also someone who likes to share the good things! I always clicked love on something because it was easier than thinking of something to say about it, easier to do than explain why this post or picture evokes emotion in me. My loves are for me. They should turn me on or be something I want to return to later. Not just something I want to "thumb up." That isn't the point, or we wouldn't have a page for them. So I have made a conscious effort to comment on things I like.
I have made a huge effort to share the things I like and love.
I have a hard time finding makeup I like. I have a hard time finding good books.
So, when I find a good website for books, or the perfect nail polish, or a great new approach to makeup, like the eyeshadow stick... I feel like I should share it. I would want others to do the same... I want others to do the same for me. I don't want these things to be a best kept secret... They could go out of business or discontinue their stuff if I don't share.
Too many people talk about their bad experiences and not enough people share when they are happy. I want to be that person who shares what I am happy about. And I will. I will splurge more, for me. I will find makeup I like, and I will use it. I will throw away my old makeup when it doesn't work anymore, or when I realize I don't use it.
I have made a bunch of little changes and I am still working on improving myself. Even if it is in little ways, I hope at some point it becomes noticeable. I hope others see me as a happy, creative, unique, somehow classy, lady. Eventually. Silk hiding steel. The idea of a woman who does not speak loudly to be heard, but is listened to, because she is right. Does not nag, but things get done. Does not brag, but can handle her own. Is not seen as weak, but can still be gentle.
More positive, less negative. Less gossip. More happy sharing. More throwing away stuff we don't need. More working on fun things in the garage!
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