Hectic and frantic to do today.

Calculate MAsT dues and who owes money

Finish leather flail toy still have to make corset, but cap is drying on right now. 

Finish leather flogger toy corset

Start gray leather paddle toy

Take cold shower no shaving

Calculate bills and budget

Sweep living room

Prepare house for landlord

Take pills - allergy meds, nasal spray, and some Tylenol 

Grocery list for restocking and dinner

figure out LHC auctions online

Make bed with his blankets 

Move KC party fund to other money envelope

Watch for matts packages

Change air filter

Put finish on tamarind toys, drill holes? Wet sand.

Box up subscription box trades

Move some laundry to table, sort out socks underwear and bras
buy wow token with gold.

Bolded items have been completed.

Hotel notes

Church - 3 rooms unavailable

Relocated upstairs, but where exactly

Need exact rm #'s for book

Food for dinner

Need 6 rooms 

Room nights needed for suite comp

Construction/moldy smell

Good morning Sir.

Good Morning, Master.

I assume if you wake up on time that just as you are pulling on pants to go smoke, after having hit snooze one too many times, you will begin to smell your favorite espresso roast gevalia coffee. That's not your imagination, I set it to start brewing at 10 AM. Still a little lost? Just pour the coffee into your LHC Co-Producer mug sitting right beside the coffee pot, it already has your sugar and creamer in it. Don't forget to stir! 

The money you need for gas and lunch is under your coffee mug. Hopefully you have jeans on already and can just tuck the money into your pocket. It's $45. That's not grocery money, that's the money you gave me before we went into the woodworking shop. I thought you might end up needing it. 

I am setting my alarm for 10 AM as well, and most of this note will be unnecessary- but I wanted you to know how much I absolutely adore you and love you to death that I put the work into this so you would be able to get ready quickly if you need to. 

After this, I am going to the laundry room to grab your socks and if I can find it, a shirt for you. I will put it on the black table in the dining room. 

Sweet dreams!

Quote made me think of my Master

The best gift you are ever going to give someone— the permission to feel safe in their own skin. To feel worthy. To feel like they are enough.

— Hannah Brencher  

Thank you Master, for making me feel good enough. Thank you, because this quote made me think of you.

Candy

She didn't think she wa being punished for being bad, exactly. 

She thought you were going to "sex" her. 

She was being as outwardly emotional as she ever is, and the lights going out really grabbed her attention, as if to say stop complaining and do what I told you to, ie, get undressed and ready for bed. But then she was undressed and in bed and ... Panicked. 

I think because Danny has been around strongly for a few days, it really hit Candy hard. Normally we wouldn't have her out right now, but she wanted to play with Luke and we weren't thinking about it. It's her Mage after all. 

We are ok. It hit me hard when I switched because I realized what she was afraid would happen, and it was heavy for me. She won't be out again tonight. 

I love you. Thank you for staying with her and telling her she is a good girl and hasn't done anything wrong. I hope she sees how much you love her. We do. It means so much to us. 

Fuck!

Hehe. So in the past few days I have been fucked, fisted, fucked in the ass, and I have masturbated probably six times. Oh and I made a personal sized swimming pool in the bed. I have been the most horny I can be for probably 3 days. 

Master fucked my ass, fucked me with the SS dildo, fucked me with the SS butt plug, fucked my ass all in one night. 

The next day I played with major and he fisted me, and played with me for a long time

I masturbated this morning, and then got master to fuck me in the ass and let me ride him a while too. 

I am now sore all over, my cunt, ass, legs, shoulders, arms, throat, neck and tits are all sore as fuck and hurting, and I am still horny. And I can't ask for sex or anything be cause at the moment I can't handle sex! It is really overwhelming and crazy. 

Master has been amazing with me, and the anal both times was mindblowing. The second time I tried to get up and almost fell off the bed. 

It's been a great few days. 

Out of swing. 7/19/15

Things were so wonderful before, with the new outlook and trying to be me, and enjoy myself and what I want. And what master wants. And.

I just feel a little lost. 

Flood coat on current project

Handle one, goes up to the bead right before the honeycomb bumps.

Handle two, starts at honey comb bumps :)

Ipsy nail polish

Not really a bright red, like the name "alarm fire" would suggest, but a very bright almost coral pink. So pink it is almost orangey. 

Again, not something I would pick for me, but I do love it!

My Ipsy bag this month

Cute bag, not something I would pick, but I love it!

Ok, we have:

1) Nail polish from Italy, brand name aurora, color: "alarm fire"

2) CoolWay beachy salt spray. Apparently you spray it in your hair for a "beachy" or wavy look. Um? What?

3) avene Cleanance Gel. Almost the whole bottle is in French, but in English is enough for me to read that it's a soap free face wash for oily skin. Score! 

4) jelly pong pong 2 in 1 eyeliner and eyeshadow. Looks like brown, but no color name given. Not sure, I kinda want to try it on, but I don't normally do browns. 

5) and the total squee I pulled out of the bag, a pair of tweezers! Crownbrush.com is all it says but they look really nice. Really nice. I didn't know they sent stuff like tweezers. I am surprised and happy!

Only one thing this month that was makeup, so I can't really put it all on and show off like last month, but I am still very very happy with this! Maybe I will do some tweezing and use the face wash and eyeshadow after my shower later. Obviously I have already put on the nail polish. Still unsure about the hair stuff too, but maybe Lily can use or show me how to use it? 

:)

Color Up: Making Natural Wood Stains

Color Up: Making Natural Wood Stains



I think it would be a lot of fun to do a pink one! But I am considering trying kool aid, I think that would give the very brightest colors!



Of course, major won't approve, lol.

Fantasy.

Last night I had this awesome fantasy.

Master put me in my black high heeled boots, my favorite ones, and took me to the garage. Then he made me step up onto the small platform I have made for my workbench. Everything was moved off of my workbench, even my lathe. He bent me over te bench and used metal half-circles and screws to bolt my arms down to the table in front of me. He put the restraints we have for my legs that have leash clips on them on me and hooked them to eye hooks under the table that I didn't know we're there before, spreading my legs apart at the knees. I am literally bent over the workbench naked and restrained in high heels with my legs spread open, and looking right out the window. He walks back into the house and comes back out with the toybag. My hood goes over my head. He unzips the bag and begins laying out toys next to me. I am excited and shaking and terrified. " slave, you are not a person right now. You are only the parts of your body I am using. Only this cunt. And these tits. Hush." As he says it, he slaps my cunt and fondles my breasts, finally pinching my nipples before leaving me in the dark. He steps away, and a chair moves as I hear him sit. The smell of cigarette smoke floats around. I don't know if he is looking or not. My cunt may as well be dripping, but nothing happens for as long as he smokes. Then the cunt torture and impact play starts, beginning with what I recognize as the paddle flogger, straight in between my spread legs, wrapping up and around just enough to hit my clit too. "Hush!" He says again. 

Other options for the same sort of thing is that my arms are pulled up behind me with my leather cuffs instead of in front of me while my legs are spread open. 

Also, I could be turned around, legs spread, arms pulled up behind me, but bolted down to the table. Then there would be more nipple torture as well, and probably I wouldn't be allowed my hood, because he would want to see my face every time he hit my cunt or jerked on nipple clamps, or hit me with a whip.

Also possible was turned around to face him, arms up in front and then back over my shoulders tied to the table so that I wasn't bent over while I was getting hit. Not sure which would be worse, not able to stand or not able to double over in pain. 

Livid.

We just got home for the weekend from the TLC run, and Lily texted him that she's angry with him and they need to talk about it. And now he's been on the phone for half an hour (only 27 minutes!) and doesn't see any issue with this.

They have plans to do things together later. Not set in stone, maybe, but to actually do things. Minions movie. He made her a minion basket. 

And he promised me something as well. 

But he left me to unpack the car alone so that he could talk to her about whatever her latest issue is. 

I have been working my ass off today and honestly I wanted to have time with him. I was disappointed when we got home so quickly. I was disappointed when he decided to call her while we were having a conversation to discuss things about what was going on with us and her. I wanted him to be around me when I couldn't get him to leave the room full of people after we all went to Tori's room. I didn't mind that every time we went outside, Lily came with us. I like her. But these things happening was with the expectation that I would not have to be around anyone but him, or share him with anyone else once we left to come home. I let go of what I wanted or needed because it made him happy. 

I am tired of Lily needing to talk to him every day or every few hours or when I am sick and wanted him to come take care of me and instead she made a big deal of needing someone to blow smoke at her to cheer her up. Because then he did. And I keep bending over and saying, "no, that's ok." 

I am not ok with it this time. We are home now, and it is not Lily time any more. I don't want him to fix some issue that apparently happened within a 30 second phone call with a 30+ minute conversation that then has to be "discussed" with me. I feel like she keeps having issues that are non issues and should take less than five minutes to fix, but he is spending hours resolving these imaginary issues. I am not spending an hour tonight to talk about her. Not ok.

I understand that he wouldn't have slept in bed with me tonight. But having help unpacking the car, putting things away, having him take off my collar and give me my protocol on time, and showing him that our bed in the bedroom was made... Meant a lot to me. 

I will not talk about Lily tonight. We stayed hours longer than I was comfortable with so that he could have extra time with her. I do not have to give her any more of my time or energy today. I am done with anyone but my Master today, and I shouldn't have to explain or justify that I need him. 

To do today

Emily to do

Starred by Relly

Make 3 blue toys 1 heavy, 1 stingy, and 1 flail

Update LHC vendor donation list

Pack 2 heart floggers, strawberry flogger, and Cheshire's cane for munch

Make "girls" list for Lily

Make "Relly" list for Lily

Not starred 

Laundry day 2

Make black/gray collar

Make leather pride collar

Dry sand / wet sand lathe project day 2

Add a flood coat of finish to wooden spoon

Change light bulbs x4

Put away dishes

Bathe dogs + flea spray

Wash remaining dishes
Clean microwave

The change.

Maybe I have already said this before, but it has continued to float around my head, so I think I must not have said it yet.

I was doing everything I could to be a good slave, to be what my husband wanted, or what I thought he wanted. I realized when he sent me that quote,  that the things I was holding back because I was unsure if he would like that part of me, well that was the stuff he liked about me in the first place! I was trying to be the perfect slave. The things he sees in me, the impulsive, uh... Well the good word for impulsive, carefree whims that I was trying to keep myself from doing, because I wanted a schedule, and I had to do things in a certain order, etc... Nope. He loves me because I am different, I am new, I am able to think of fun things and make fun things and I am creative. These are the traits my husband loves and cherishes about me, not my ability to load the dishwasher seven days in a row.  Fuck, what is the word I am looking for? 

But I am also someone who likes to share the good things! I always clicked love on something because it was easier than thinking of something to say about it, easier to do than explain why this post or picture evokes emotion in me. My loves are for me. They should turn me on or be something I want to return to later. Not just something I want to "thumb up." That isn't the point, or we wouldn't have a page for them. So I have made a conscious effort to comment on things I like. 

I have made a huge effort to share the things I like and love. 

I have a hard time finding makeup I like. I have a hard time finding good books. 

So, when I find a good website for books, or the perfect nail polish, or a great new approach to makeup, like the eyeshadow stick... I feel like I should share it. I would want others to do the same... I want others to do the same for me. I don't want these things to be a best kept secret... They could go out of business or discontinue their stuff if I don't share. 

Too many people talk about their bad experiences and not enough people share when they are happy. I want to be that person who shares what I am happy about. And I will. I will splurge more, for me. I will find makeup I like, and I will use it. I will throw away my old makeup when it doesn't work anymore, or when I realize I don't use it.  

I have made a bunch of little changes and I am still working on improving myself. Even if it is in little ways, I hope at some point it becomes noticeable. I hope others see me as a happy, creative, unique, somehow classy, lady. Eventually.  Silk hiding steel. The idea of a woman who does not speak loudly to be heard, but is listened to, because she is right. Does not nag, but things get done. Does not brag, but can handle her own. Is not seen as weak, but can still be gentle. 

More positive, less negative. Less gossip. More happy sharing. More throwing away stuff we don't need. More working on fun things in the garage!

My to do list today. Mostly me bragging about what I've gotten done.

Emily to do

Starred by Relly

Make 3 blue toys 1 heavy, 1 stingy, and 1 flail

Change LHC password 

Post LHC book swap note

Post LHC garage sale items note

Update LHC vendor donation list

Find personality info for Lily to read

Pack 2 heart floggers, strawberry flogger, and Cheshire's cane for munch

Get munch address to send out

Make "girls" list for Lily

Make list for Relly for Lily

Not starred 

Laundry day 1

Laundry day 2

Pack Relly's bags

Make black/gray collar

Make leather pride collar

Upload pride flogger #1, #2, and strawberry flogger to Fetlife 

Post munch on KC

Dry sand / wet sand lathe project day 1
Dry sand / wet sand lathe project day 2

Sand wooden spoon from 120 grit to 320 grit.

Add a flood coat of finish to wooden spoon

Quiet!

I didn't realize until they left how very much I like to have my own alone time, with me. And my chores, and my tools, and workbench, and computer and such. 

I miss my Master, I really do. And I love having him sleep in bed with me. I love him coming in and talking to me in the middle of the night, because he literally has so much on his mind, and knows I will help him feel better before he sleeps. I really do love that. 

 But I forgot how much I also love having the bed to myself, doubling up on blankets, getting my stuff done with no interruptions, wasting countless hours on WoW because I can without feeling guilty for leaving others alone... 

Taking a shower without Relly taking a poo. 

Painting my toenails and knowing I won't be interrupted. 

Not even once. 

I have missed this a little bit. 

My very own dog shaming.

Gee, I wonder which dog chewed up the pillow?