I want to post this on fetlife.

Of course, we are always changing something, and redefining roles as we grow and learn more about each other. BUT in the past month and a half, there have been some BIG changes in our relationship.

Namely,
1) I listen better.
2) When I am not listening ("better"), He is (still) in control. I know because He keeps doing these... these things that suddenly catch my attention and scream at me that He knows what He's doing and has been paying close attention to me all along.

This is important.

When I lose my temper or act out, 95% of the time it is because I think He has stopped paying attention to me or my needs. I feel that He has done whatever small inconvenience or painful thing to me on accident.

This is very important.

When I feel that my Master has accidentally wronged me, I suddenly feel entitled to an apology. I feel that I am owed this apology. I suddenly feel that my Master owes me something.

Did you see my world just turn inside out?

I can handle any number of unfair and horrible, disgusting, painful, humiliating tasks, as long as they are on purpose. As long as He knows what He is putting me through when He tells me to do it. As long as He is appreciating the work, enjoying my pain, and/or staring at my butt....

So when we're fighting and He suddenly puts that "on purpose" in front of the original tiny little thing that started the whole fuster-cluck, it's as if I can suddenly see just how much He's loved me all along. The argument dissolves, and life continues on.

Now it may seem selfish of me that I get cranky when He accidentally hurts me and doesn't even realize it, but think of it this way: I have devoted my life and every waking moment to (and also sacrificed many hours of sleep for) my Master. If I inconvenience Him for any reason, I will immediately be made aware of it. I enjoy suffering for my Master. I just want Him to be able to enjoy my suffering as well.