Just said the f word trying to thread the bottom part of my sewing machine

Need to lotion hands.

I need physical reassurance of love please :) it worked!

Standing order as of 2 days ago to lotion my hands 2 times a day. Did it once yesterday, none so far today.

I miss you like the broad side of a barn.

First boxcut ever working here and i got two in 5 minutes. Thanks disney, felt f'ing great.

Making a physical list because my phone is dying.

After tomorrow i an off work a full week! I have a lot to do and an pretty excited about it. Strict schedule.

Cute guy in here. Leather jacket and black combat boots. Looks a bit mild but i could fix that easily. Sigh.

Golf Jokes

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My view of what He should be doing... i guess.

He tells me He wants a strict schedule. A more militant household etc.

I'd like to see Him taking care of himself.
Daily hygiene, exercise, eating when he's supposed to.
I'd like to have Him take out the trash when it gets full. And take the trash to the road on Wednesdays.
To pick up after Himself when I'm not home.

I'd like Him to be more sympathetic of my work. I don't like making decisions when i get off of work, and normally I would like to go home, but if there is a plan, I can usually cope with it if I know about it ahead of time. I hate getting in the car and thinking we're going home, and halfway out of the parking lot hearing "I'm hungry." It tells me that while I was doing my best to make us look good, He wasn't taking care of himself, and only wants to do that on Our time.
I'd like to have sex more often, but especially when i'm stressed or tired or have something overwhelming looming over my head. It makes me feel like He's taking care of His toys.

I've never admired the way someone eats before. She isn't perfect but she sits up straight and brings the food to her. Beautiful

Made me cry.

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I wish.

Bought my sewing machine. Now i just have to pick up leather sewing needles.

FUCK!

SEX and RAPE-AGE

long story short, we were arguing. We shouldn't have been, I've been trying to be good and not be pissy. Tonight I didn't do it. I tell Him to get off of me, and he reminds me that I am His property and if sitting on me is what He wants to do, He'll do it. He tells me to put my hands spread to each corner of the bed, and to do the same with my legs. He starts playing around, but it hurts me because i'm angry and not turned on at all. My knee goes up. He forces me back into position several times, each time hurting me again or going back to sucking on my nipples (which doesn't feel good). I'm not even trying to fight back, it's just that i keep pushing my leg up by reflex every time it hurts. I can't keep it down. He forces a toy inside me. It doesn't want to go in at all. I don't want it to go in. He says if I listen and obey He won't hurt me. He makes me answer that i believe Him. He tickles me, and says that doesn't count. I'm suddenly enjoying it, because I suddenly realize that he's enjoying it even though I'm not. That He's raping me to interrupt an argument, to punish me, to serve me right! I'm surprised the toy didn't melt, because it was as if an atomic bomb went off in my vagina, the temperature change was catastrophic. And instead of being stiff and letting Him know how much I would hurt Him if I was allowed to fight back, I'm whimpering and obedient. AND he stops. Asks me if I want Him to stop. Says He'll do whatever I want. Asks what I want. Do I want Him to stop? Do I want to move my arms, do I want Him to wash His hands? And my head flipped inside out again. Why does He care what I want, He was supposed to be raping me. I put the pillow over my head and screamed into it.  and then He decided to shove something huge up my butt without any prior play in that area. It hurt going in, but then it only hurt sometimes afterword until He replaced the toy with His penis.

I ended up with green duct tape over my mouth.
"Give me a color, how are you doing?"
"mmmmmmmm ymmymmmuuum"
"Oh, green? Good. I want to try something."

When He decided to use my ass, He literally just shoved it in, put a pillow over my head and went to town until he came. I don't think I stopped screaming the entire time He was inside me. It's funny how duct tape muffles the words and then it gets to the point where you don't try to speak anymore, you just make noises that fit the emotion you're feeling at the time. And people still seem to understand.

When He told me to come, when I still had the toy inside me and He was using my vagina, it fell out. I was so disappointed I literally tried to reach the other toy to beg Him to put it in my ass so it would stay. He started yelling at me that I had shit on the bed. I could tell by the way He said it that He was trying to embarrass me but I couldn't feel humiliated somehow. maybe it's because even though I knew it was off the toy and was on the bed, I couldn't see it since I didn't have my glasses on, or maybe I was just enjoying the sex and being used and raped too much.


It was so good. He's so big, and definitely knows how to use what he's got.

And my Master always makes me smile when i don't want to.
Thank You.

7:30-3:30pm friday.

8-4 pm 23rd. 4-9:30pm 24th. 12-8:30pm 25th.

Cut, roll, cap, cover, foundation, knot, finished. That's the order a flogger is made in.

Trading a chocolate treat to sleep in the bed tonight. I need the rest for work early tomorrow

Had sex last night. He used me, for real, not just for me. Anal. It wasn't as "fun" but it felt so much more real. I'm so glad.

It's kinda sad when i use the bathroom before i leave work because i'm afraid he'll tell me to hold it. Funny too.

Darksiders 2

Have to find my brother a present. His birthday is in two days!

I'm getting to the point where i'm too tired to obey respectfully and i don't want that to happen.

I've been working very hard to be good. I hope i farm a treat soon, they mean a lot to me. I wish they meant a lot to Him.

He bought a brand new honda civic.

Drawing on couch for you.

If you're out walking, never walk farther than you can run back to without stopping for breath.

I grew up trying to prove that girls were as good as boys because that's what i was told and i never believed it.

Today was awesome. After sex, He pierced my rt knee. Hes played with it all day, and we had sex again!

Sat 10-3 i work

I have suffered for my Master today

In an attempt to keep from going crazy and nagging, I am confining myself to my closet when not serving.

I've rubbed to the same thing every night this week. It's not hot anymore. Wish pills helped cramps.

I dont think its appropriate for my steak to be bigger than my master's.

"the only thing better than being raped or tortured is to be raped and tortured at the same time."

Day One of my period starts today

If You don't get everything You want from me, it's only because You don't ask.

I crave to be told to do things that are difficult for me for your amusement. To be told/forced to do things that i don't enjoy so that you can look at me in a crowd and know that i am suffering. that at that moment, ALL I can think about is pain and suffering for You, while your mind is free to think about anything else and has been wandering. I want you to know that while you're only thinking of me for a brief instant, I am and have been focused only on pleasing you.

In 2 minutes I went from wanting to sleep on the floor to show my loyalty and willingness to suffer for my Master's pleasure to wanting to leave the toilet seat up out of spite and rebellion.

Cant sleep. I'll try again later. ObviousTroll is obvious. Blech!

training

I just realized that I am being trained in a few things I didn't realize He was helping me with.

Social
I am not a people person, but I have quickly become much better at talking to others, being friendly and making people feel comfortable at munches and things. I am naturally an introvert, but I'm quite good at easing the nervous attendees.

Comfortable with Master playing with others (without being too clingy)
 I don't like to share. Who would? However, that is a possessive trait, and not something that I should allow room for in myself, as a slave. Also it is not pleasing to my Master when He desires to play with someone else.

And then the obvious recent one

Swearing
I sound so stupid when I swear daily. In fact, it was making it more difficult than normal to find the right words when I got angry. I'm doing much better now, and am finding the range of words that used to be common for me. I've also had an amazing creative streak lately that I'm quite proud of. I think it may be related to my other brain functions improving.

Punished today. I swore and cussed Him. I thanked Him after He popped me on the mouth twice. It bled some.

I understand that i have an attitude, but everytime i start to be happy he changes something.

"I don't need You to be a better Master, I need more opportunities to be a better slave." I've gotten them today.

This is squid, flogger.

I have several pieces to finish. The rope core quirt, the failed necklace, and the short pink one

Safety Links and tabs

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Thinking about my anklet. Left could mean im in a punishment phase or out of favor. Only we know

I cant wait to start on the safety awareness project! I have tabs open on it already.

My First Flogger

Every time I show off the toys that I've made I always get really excited when showing them off. If they're brought out in a random order, the first one out of the bag is always my first.
"That's the first flogger I made!"
"Really? You made this? That's so neat!"

Usually the one that was just pulled out of the bag is the pink and black one that Major taught me how to make, and did one of the knots for me. It is legitimately the first flogger I made "right." The next flogger out of the bag is the brown one, the first flogger I ever made out of leather. It only has one knot on the handle. And then they pull out the small denim flogger that I made for my Master. It's light, the handle isn't stiff because it has no core, but it's the first flogger I ever made, and we both love it. And then of course, they pull several finger floggers out of the toy bag. The first finger floggers I ever made, the first finger floggers I made that I feel confident in, the first ones I made for myself. Never to be pulled out of the toybag again are the first floggers I made on my own without help, they went to the LHC auction, and both went to different people. I made them with two matching pieces of brown leather, nice thick stuff that I really liked, but I did the handles different, so the weight wasn't the same in the pair. Did I mention that the first blush-flogger I made is in my toybag? It's pink. The first multi-colored one I ever made was my Master's but it also went to LHC, and came back home with Kat, a friend of mine. She didn't realize I'd made it when she traded eyelashes for it at Ziggy's corner. I have so many ideas and new things I want to try. I know that when people go through my toybag they get tired of hearing "that's the first --- flogger I made" and sometimes I try to stifle myself, but I really hope that I keep doing new things, and learning more and more every time I make something new, so that every flogger I make is my first something.

Safety pamphlet, keychain dolls, diagram on what not to hit w/ flogger etc. Demo?

There is a sign on the public toilet across from me, "the restroom is close."

Still giddy from our rope sex. He even thought about it the day after: odd for sex or rope. 11.2

I cant wait until the blisters from my new shoes go away and He lets me wear my anklet again! 11.2.12

"the only thing," He said, "that would have made last night (and the rope) any better, would have been if the lights were on."

I bought some safety pins. I would like to try a play thing with them. Like needles sorta.

What if you could only pee while holding your breath?

Got tied up and used last night. Long lasting sex. 1st time with my new blue rope. Amazing!