Packing and Memories

I am packing my notebooks from my office, and as I put things in boxes, I open the notebooks to see if it's empty or if I need it right now, or if I might need it between now and our move. I keep finding things that make me smile, or touch me emotionally, and I'm going to share a few of them here.

May 2018
Meditation

I am one with work
I am one with hurry
I am one with accomplishment, with creating
I am one with purpose

I am not one with nature, I am not one to
sit still and let it happen.
I am not one to waste time, precious moments
when I could be bringing something new into the world.

I am a pain artist, giving and receiving.
I am often sore, and tired, sometimes
pushing too far. But, pushing brings new
things, growth, breaks boundaries.
I am a go getter, I am a crafter, a creator
a business owner (oh that sounds boring),
I am a powerful woman, in my way.

I am one with unique, weird, eccentric.
I am one with shy, friendly, timid, caring.
I am one with thoughtful, creative, caring.
Daring. With my work. My craft is not just
making things. Each piece is a masterpiece,
A gift from a maker. A whole, without need
for explanation.

I am one with my work.

My Rules 5/25/2014

1. I will obey orders quickly and confidently.
Any objections will begin with "Sir," and be given respectfully, noting a rule, protocol, or basic need.

2. I will follow all rules, protocols, and standing orders to the best of my ability.

3. I will wear my collar always.

4. I will be respectful of myself both by my words and actions, as it is necessary to respect myself in order to respect my Master.

5. I will be respectful of my Master, both by my words and actions. It is my purpose to Please Him, and disrespect will not be tolerated.

6. I will dress according to my Master's direction.

7. I will refer to my Master as "Sir," but not in public.

8. I will blog daily unless given permission to do otherwise, and will write clearly and openly about my needs and desires.
I will be clear and open regarding my needs and desires, both in everyday life and during sex.

9. I will not cut or self-injure in any way.
5/27/14

10. I will tell my Master if I feel the need to self-injure.
5/27/2017



11/2014

rain drops down. water fills the page.
who knew the worst thing was to be honest?
I never stood a chance while being me.

Water outside, calm and steady. unchanged.
I've changed, too late. years later, people like me now,
but I don't understand why. Which is worse?
Trying and failing or not wanting it
and getting it without knowing what's changed.
Thank God I'm not alone anymore.

Masochist. Mot a freak. Special.
treasured, now. My needs a gift that
fill the needs of others who had it worse.

Well, I wouldn't understand wanting to hurt others-
but sadists end up with authority,
masochists enable abusers when they can't
find the right pain - precious drops of pain.

My pain can please two people.



Dec 1, 2014
Master had sex with Phiar. She asked for it. After a long car trip with great music, an energy drink, and a small glass of fireball, she really wanted it.

She said, "It's easy. Just leave the lights on, go slow, tell me what you see and why you like it."

He did. She walked around naked and happy afterward. They made out, too and He likes the way fireball tastes on her lips. 
(and I don't know how but she was satisfied for a few days)


2/2017

There's this feeling I get sometimes, that people really want to talk, but no one wants to talk about kink. No, not "kink" like who said what and why you're pissed off about it. I mean KINK. I mean the reason we are all supposedly in this people blender together, wandering around talking to people we would otherwise have no business knowing. I mean the nitty gritty fantasies, that deep need growling in the dark that drives you to look for others like us, that thing you want most but tell no one for fear...
I can almost guarantee it's not "floggers" - it might be whips, but it's probably not just picking up a flogger that does it for you. Each toy has it's own potential. Maybe you crave bringing a person to orgasm without touching them with your hands. Maybe you want to hold a flogger in your mouth and try not to drop it while you take a beating. Maybe you want someone to be so overwhelmed with you that they bend over a random piece of furniture because they need you just so they can breathe. Hell, maybe you want to eat a donut off a penis. Why not? Maybe you want to be tied standing in a spreader bar and have your genitals repeatedly drilled with a leather bat. Or do it to someone. Until they cry.
That's kink, and that's what I want to talk about. 




4/12/2017
My idea is to think of a story that I have not read, and consider the title and author, and craft my own story using my thoughts on that author (their style) and inspiration from the title.

Slaughterhouse Five, Kurt Vonnegut

"The sandwich tastes a little Bert," joked and eighth grader.

"Human protein is the closest to our own, so it is the most easily absorbed and the most healthful for the human body.
Each day, the entire strands of protein must be absorbed again, because the body has no storage place for "extra" protein.
So that's why we start each day with meat, so that our bodies can start the day off strong, with everything we need."

Of course, the class heard this lecture every year, sometimes with the "The gods made it this way so it would be simpler and more efficient" or "It's respectful to honor one's elders by consuming their flesh after their death, so they can continue to be a part of us"

Although it was said they did this every year because occasionally a kid would freak out and say it was unnatural and something was wrong about eating humans, Jack never felt uneasy.
"It's just the natural order of things. Animals eat each other, and so do we. What's there to be upset about?"
"Well I can't imagine eating Grandpa," said Julie from the next table as she ooked down at her plate thoughtfully. "I love him so much."
"Well that's why they don't leave it to the family, that's what the slaughterhouses are for."
"Don't call it that!"
"That's what they're called"
"But it's so..."
"accurate?"
"Vulgar!"

"Well, they separate the meat from the person, basically removing the identity of the person, turning them into something else, something useful even in death. We all strive to be useful, to have purpose. The slaughterhouses are mostly attached to hospitals, to keep everything fresh. There is one farther out of town, Slaughterhouse Five."