water

So that's 2 times this weeks that my body has completely overreacted to water when I know I'm fine.

That scene in the movie actually got under my skin a little. It didn't bother me mentally at all. Physically? Heart rate when up, started breathing deeper, faster. Preparing?  It did make me wonder if I'll always have the weak spot for waterboarding, if I'll break faster if that's what's being done/threatened.


Somehow managed to swallow water while completely alone in the shower. Got choked. For all intents and purposes, it was like any other time I swallow water the wrong way, except that I had running water on me, on my face, skin. Took minutes to stop choking, and it shouldn't have. It took even longer to slow my breathing than normal. Immediately triggered a need to cuddle, be held, be reassured.

I wish that I could go swimming more, play more in water again to get used to it. We used to be best friends, and now I feel like it's trying to creep in as a fear that I won't let affect me.

Not worried, not complaining, just keeping score in my own mind. It hasn't bothered me in so long, I have to wonder why it's starting to now.