We eventually moved out of the horrible rental house. I thought I would recover emotionally very quickly, but I didn't. I was still tired all the time, sad all the time, had trouble getting out of bed in the morning.
I've been diagnosed with endometriosis, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Major Depressive Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, and ADHD. I strongly believe I am autistic.
Desperately wanted another dog, pined for another dog. We adopted Honey. She is a tan and white pit bull. She is deaf. She is a brilliant dog. obeys commands well. She knows sit, and shake and high five. She comes with us everywhere. She screams when we leave her at home, so we don't unless we absolutely have to. I've had two medical procedures, and we left her at home for those.
Sela passed away about a year ago.
My grandmother passed away.
Tom, Daddyspanks, passed away during covid. Cancer.
Lizard passed away last year, he had a stroke and got progressively worse after.
I've had a garden 3 of the 4 years we've been here. I didn't do one last year. It was so hot I was waking up at 7:30 so that I could walk the dogs before it hit 80f+ for the day. I just couldn't make myself put in the time and effort of growing a garden.
We continued our D&D game until covid happened, and then took a break from it. When we tried to start playing again, the gent bowed out from playing, and our campaign with Opal and Stagnor came to a halt. I was able to play a little longer in 1-1 sessions with Relly, but eventually we got to a point where he didn't want to run a session just for me any longer. And the main campaign can't be done without more people. Without jake, and Chesh, and the gent, and dan, the game wasn't the same. Crow played a few times with us too, but after we had moved.
I've started a 1-1 campaign with Relly, where I'm DMing for him, playing his Artificer/Wizard Vinci. He loves it.
We have a new in-person campaign that we've been playing about 2 years with Alex/Otter. Hes a friend on ShopTitans, and that Relly knew through leather events. Recently we've added a new person, Danny to the campaign. We've only done about 3 sessions with him, but he seems to be a good guy, although he has some trouble getting pronouns right. He is also someone Relly knows from Leather events.
I haven't been to a leather event since we got Honey. I haven't sold toys at events, haven't attended any. Covid happened, so no one was doing events, but afterwards I was so anxious about people, and I can't stand to be away from Honey (Although I tell people she's the one who gets anxious, and she does, I also depend on her for pretty much everything.). It's really hurt my flogger business. I haven't been crafting toys in a long time, and have so much trouble getting up in the morning still, that I just never have any time to myself to make toys, or at least when I have time I'm just so tired I don't do it. I'm always working on something for one of the 3 d&d games or any number of other things we have to do, that my flogger making has just... basically stopped altogether. I have a garage, and a whole basement, and I don't make anything anymore. I don't do wood-turning, I hurt my wrist before we moved, and didn't do much woodturning when we lived in Charlotte, and then we sold my wood lathe when we moved out of the Shelby house.
I painted miniatures a lot for a long time once we moved here, but it takes a lot of time and attention to detail and a lot of table space. And I just haven't... wanted to in a while.
I didn't paint anything for anyone for christmas last year, and haven't been to visit my family since probably may last year. Before that I went to stay with my mom for a week when my Nana passed away, but we had a big argument and I left before the week was over, and I've only been back to visit once since then, I think. I've only seen my grandparents once (twice? They've met Honey twice.) since covid. They're both 90+ and have trouble hearing me, and I'm so awkward anyway that I am afraid of visiting and having conversations with them without the rest of my family. I don't know what to say or do or talk about and it's painful to feel like I came to see them but am failing at being a real person.
He CoDMed with Nell for an online game of Curse of Strahd for a while, but that got to be too much for her because of her intense work schedule, so she bowed out. He started a new campaign for the group, and a few months later she joined back as a player. One of the players rage quit after their character died, and the group needed a healer, so I joined the group a few months ago. It's been extremely stressful, and while I really enjoy the world my husband makes, I am not enjoying the way their group plays D&D. They don't follow the quest and they like killing NPCs and treating them like garbage a lot. The rudeness is very hard for me, and I've had 2 times where I've had to leave the session because I was actually RL angry about in-game things.
Nell has become his long-distance submissive. After a year, she petitioned me to be her dominant too.
She came to visit Nov 2022, and they went to a leather/kink event together. We spent about 3 days all together the three of us before she had to fly back home. She lives in the UK.
3/16/2023 He made her his slave. She is still long-distance.
Got invited to Amazon Vine, and that has improved out lives significantly. He and I finally have bed frames and I don't sleep with my mattress on the floor like a college kid any longer.
He has found a few things that help his health issues. He is able to go outside when it's hot without getting dizzy, and I've found a vitamin supplement (MigShield is the name, it sounds dumb and it makes your pee highlighter yellow, but it WORKS) that reduces the amount and intensity of the headaches he has. Avoiding carbs helps him a lot. He's also taking a CBD supplement which helps him a lot too. All of this has helped his depression a lot.
So he has been a lot more active physically lately. He quit smoking probably 3 years ago. He still smokes his vape, but hasn't had a real cigarette in ages.
We have started playing disc golf a lot. My brother introduced us to it, and it's a fun way to be out of the house and doing something active together, and Honey can come with us.
He and I have been and still are depressed. We are both trying very hard, but we don't have any real family support, and.. Life is hard, and scary, and depressing, and I don't know how to be an adult. I don't know how to live, or plan for things, or... IDK. I constantly feel like I'm struggling with all the small day-to-day things so much that I'm missing all the big life things.
I feel stuck. I don't know what I want to do with my life. We've decided not to have kids. With our health and mental health issues, it wouldn't be a good decision. I don't want my business to be a big thing, and I don't think I can sustain the amount of crafting I would need to do to make enough money for it to be considered a "real" business anyway. I'm good at painting minis and painting canvas, but I'm not great or amazing. I love writing, and telling stories, but again, I can't seem to sustain it, can't seem to finish anything.
I spent about a month straight writing 50,000 words of a story, and then just... couldn't write anymore. I didn't know where I was going with it, and all the chapters were out of order so whenever I tried to write I would just get confused, and I felt like none of the people who had told me they wanted to read it were interested anymore. I know it shouldn't matter if anyone else wants to read it, but it DOES affect me. And I couldn't figure out how to make the time for it any longer.
