Penny pooped. Don't have to worry about a constipated dog today :)

New idea for a reality game. He gives me an item and i have to use it in a provocative way to win his sexual affection. Or use it to masturbate. :)

I miss playing the lego game. It's basically the only time i'll be allowed to play with legos for the rest of my life.

I can't sleep. How much points to buy snuggles or a story when there's a late night fee too? If no answer i'll know you're asleeping . Love Susy

Had a breakdown and cried today for no reason. Going to bed happy. Also one of my toys melted in my toy bag. Dildos. Sigh.

Money:
bills
family
golf golf
groceries
mast
leather fund
points- something

Wednesday is trash day. Maybe it's the day of the week to do all the hated chores.

He brought my anklet, told me i have to wear it, always. As punishment, he hit me 2x on each side with the long paddle. It marked me on my rt side.

Yesterday i left my anklet in the bathroom after my shower. I remembered it briefly last night and this morning but didn't look for it. He did.

We've both been hurting a lot today. He didn't sleep last night and i'm day 1 of my cycle. We've been very close all day.

We had sex twice today, and after a rocky middle, my butt hurts so good. He has this new attitude and i love it. 9am alarm for me tomorrow.

When i lose my temper and i go and take a moment in my closet, i kneel in 2. I end up looking at the word slave on my vest. It centers me.

Bad dream. Kids kicking glass shards, snakes, and scary corners. Bad on purpose spying golfers. Just a row of bad ones when i think of it.

There's a movie where she doesn't invite the vampire in, so he burns down the house?

I want to paint again today. And fold clothes and watch criminal minds or NCIS. Maybe He'd like to play wow or lego pc.

Sleep, dogs, colleges. Personal goal: kitchen or clothes

I made chicken from carly's recipe last night. It was really good, but way more than either of us could eat. Perfect.

I can't get it out of my head #1: why do i have to play with tom to prove i'm not mad at him when my own master won't play with me?

Painted today and candy did a crayon on canvas picture for her daddy. Painting really calmed me down.

I'm going to miss him more tonigh than i have in a long time. I've had bad dreams 2 nights in a row and i dread sleeping alone again.

Still can't make my head slow down. If we can spend less than 50 dollars a week on groceries this month i will be amazingly happy.

I'm actually pretty proud of it. It isn't perfect, but i didn't think i'd ever make another one like the one i made rel. It wasn't easy.

Finished making a leather bracelet today that will be presented to Songsmith's girl, Red tomorrow. It's just like the one i made master.

our new stuff

I miss sitting together in the mornings and talking about a schedule. i hate that my points system has overruled this. Great, it's autonomous again.  This can only end one way, badly. 

PS I feel really nauseous and blame it on the continued bacon smell in the kitchen. I cleaned like crazy, but I still feel sick. 

my last confessio-... i mean post... was on march 5th.

I've been having sudden and almost unbearable compulsions to cut my hair.  no, i don't want it shorter, not really. i just want to go through the physical act of cutting it.   I Don't know if this is a symbol of change in my mind, or what.  


It happens randomly, as well as when I'm angry or feel I have wronged him.   When I'm angry it's a revenge feeling. Sometimes i feel as if i don't deserve my hair, and sometimes, I just really really want the change, or to feel the scissors, or hear the sound, or see the hair on the floor.



Also, I was supposed to be punished today for Carly not calling Master yesterday, due to being at a concert, but I guess he forgot, or just didn't feel like it, or something. I don't want to remind him, I don't want to be punished, but I don't want him to start backing off of what he's told her, because if he does she won't be able to respect him as a dom/master/leader.

He has to take care of himself, and keep his word.

Today is the first day he hasn't exercised in about a week and a half.  Even then he was moving around a lot though. I'm really proud of him for keeping it up so long. I can't wait to see it pay off for him so he can really feel encouraged.

So rainy. This place already takes me back 50 years.

We just had a talk that took a huge weight off my mind. Maybe we'll see sydney more. Also, my computer won't turn on.

Today was my "off day" so Master promised "compensation" for all the work i did. Don't know how, but i am excited about it.